


tomorrows

by sugodemic



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: M/M, failed suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 07:59:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6276115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugodemic/pseuds/sugodemic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Namjoon always talked about how beautiful the world was. He always talked about making the world more beautiful. He just never talked about what he thought he had to do to make the world better.</p><p>Or: After Namjoon comes home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	tomorrows

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning for implied attempted suicide.
> 
> just a drabble. i didn't really think about this too much.

Namjoon's going home today.

It's dark and it's quiet and not much is okay, which is something Yoongi's learned to appreciate. The unrest, the unspoken, the non-linear, the raw and true, and the Not Okay, because he's realized it's natural. Yoongi's being good. He's always good. He doesn't sleep very much but he's good at giving people space even though he's awake all the time. And he got his radio fixed so Namjoon can listen to it on the way. So Namjoon can ask questions in his head and listen to the discussions and care about the world. 

Namjoon always talked about how beautiful the world was. He always talked about making the world more beautiful. He just never talked about what he thought he had to do to make the world better.

"You know you can talk to me," he says. It's a statement and he tries not to make it sound like an accusation. It's a question but not in the way it should be.

They don't talk, really. He opens a window and tries to breathe. Make sure Namjoon's breathing, too. Once, twice, too many times.

When they get in the apartment, Namjoon looks lost and he shouldn't (Yoongi is trying to unthink thinking things don't make sense because he's supposed to be letting things be valid). Yoongi stands there with him for a few seconds and touches his hand. Mentions the weather, tells him it's gonna to storm, because he knows Namjoon feels like he belongs in a world that's restless. Namjoon's brow quirks and a corner of his lips lift and he says, "Good," and the muscles in his face twitch from not being used. There's relief to his voice, some sort of reassurance and self-soothing, and his shoulders relax.

Yoongi doesn't want him wrecked but he doesn't want him to relax. Feels like bad things happen when Namjoon relaxes around himself.

They have a frozen dinner. The kind you take out of the plastic or keep in it instead of poking the plastic with a knife. Yoongi's being good. He checked. Took a little while to find something Namjoon would like. But it ends up okay, and Yoongi thinks they should have lasagna tomorrow. Work up to the knife thing in a long time, a really long time, if they get there. It's good to keep things simple, let things be fragile instead of trying to build them up, instead of trying to force things to be strong.

Namjoon overcomplicates things. Yoongi oversimplifies them. That's why they work.

"Do you want lasagna tomorrow?" Yoongi's voice is soft, strangled. It's subtle, but he likes making Namjoon think in terms of tomorrow. Not much further than that. Just a reminder. Maybe it's selfish, maybe he's selfish, but he likes tomorrows. He likes them so much that he stays up till he can greet them, make sure they're there. Sometimes stay up through them all so he doesn't miss it and he knows they're breathing. He stayed up through a lot of tomorrows and they left scars under his eyes, the mark of things that aren't physical but still want to show up on the outside.

"I'm looking forward to it," Namjoon says. It's subtle, but Yoongi likes when he says that. It's sharp with nuance.

"We have time," Yoongi reminds him with what feels like every other breath. "There's no need to rush."

For now, they'll just have stubble. Namjoon looks good like that, and it doesn't matter how Yoongi looks. Maybe after a few more tomorrows.

For now, they'll just let loose strings stay uncut. Namjoon can pick at them all he wants, put holes in his clothes if he wants, and Yoongi doesn't really mind. He likes seeing where Namjoon's ruined things because he knows he's there. Existing, breathing, leaving his marks on the world, things that'll last longer than tomorrow, that can be sewn and mended or at least patched.

Yoongi escapes to showers, multiple showers a day. Scalding water to make the tears disappear, to force him to stop because he can't get out until it stops and if he stays in too long he'll hyperventilate, steam sticking his lungs together, taking up room in his throat. Until the hair ripped out goes down the drain and furiously rubbed eyes stop swelling and the scratched cheeks don't leave any marks and he's not sitting on the floor of the tub anymore, toes curling tightly into its floor because he's obsessed with knowing something solid and practical is under him. He doesn't cry like this. He's the kind that looks out the window when it's dark, looks at anything except what's in front of him, and has them cut his cheeks as punishment. He's not the type to wail but he's screamed when the apartment was empty. He thought he wasn't the type to go to a therapist, either, but things change. Pride comes second to breathing, to knowing you're breathing, being glad you are. There are things that shouldn't last longer than tomorrow, like the pitiful noise of trying to eat up what's inside of you, choking on it, vomiting it up, and trying to swallow that down too, the acid biting your throat.

Namjoon comes in during what Yoongi hopes is the last shower for today and tells him that the storms are coming. He does that ever since he saw something on The Weather Channel where a lady got electrocuted while she was washing her hands during a storm. He catches Yoongi while he's gasping and light-headed and hyperventilating by himself but Yoongi's done that a lot while he's in public and not hidden behind a shower curtain and he can handle this.

Namjoon's waiting for him on the bed when Yoongi comes back. The television screeches a severe thunderstorm warning. Namjoon turns around and draws the curtains and opens the window by their bed and scoops up Yoongi's hand when the clouds cry. "It's going to get better."

"That doesn't sound like something you'd say." It's too simple. Doesn't run around itself in circles enough before coming to a conclusion.

"I just decided maybe things are cliche for a reason. Because they're true and there's no sense in explaining them away. That things actually are going to be okay and time will heal and life has a way of working out."

Yoongi listens to the thunder and closes his eyes and squeezes Namjoon's hand. "There's always tomorrow. I think that's one we're all counting on."

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr @ sugodemic


End file.
